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Introduction... (The first blog post in 2011)...

I am a frum, gay & married male who feels compelled to share. Let me get this out of the way, when I say I am gay ,  I will qualify it...

Monday, July 23, 2012

The 9 days and my own private holocaust

Even with my current struggle maintaining orthodox judaism, I still feel a connection to the 9 days. Each of my grandparents lost immediate family members to the Nazi's. Some murders were witnessed. I am a Jew and my family and people suffered through all our years. That identity connects me to our history and gives me the motivation to conform to the requirements of the 9 days and feel guilty when I don't.

At the same time I would argue that I personally have suffered my own private holocaust. The abusive upbringing I had. Abuse at the hands of the people close to me; teachers, family, a therapist and counselors in camp. Bullying to a horrible extreme that caused me to contemplate suicide numerous times. All that time struggling with my sexual orientation and the conflicts that brings in reconciling it with my judaism.

Bottom line. I feel like I can cut myself some slack. My suffering and pain has been deep, long and to my core. Would I switch with holocaust survivors? Probably not.

Lets compromise and call it a mini-holocaust, but a holocaust nonetheless.

This brings me to my next point. For people who never suffered physical or sexual abuse; for you to judge, project and blatantly accuse abuse survivors of making things up, you deny them the ability to speak up and certainly heal; you reinforce the pain and insecurity that has been projected on them for all their life. You are abhorrent. You are a life sucker. You should look in the mirror and let shame take you over. If your are family, shame, shame, shame. All the more so...

Al tadin es ha'adam ad shetagia l'mkomo.

Dont judge another until you walk their shoes.