The Bonfire and the Gentle Flame

My brain heats up. My soul catches fire. My heart explodes into a bonfire of confusion.

At the expense of my burning eyes, I stare into the flame as I tiptoe slowly toward the heat of its core.

I see it's many colors. I see the orange of regret. Red of hate. The purple of confusion. The blue of hope and the yellow of a brighter day.

The fire slowly builds. It's potency is commensurate to the intensity of my gaze. I focus, watching the colors synthesize, converge and marry.

While the colors dance to the sound of popping twigs; confusion and doubt ensue. I attempt to reconcile the complexity of this merger. My senses are feeling overwhelmed.

I lower my gaze.

My eyes weaken and my focus wanes. The wind blows and the popping sounds calm. The colors dim, isolate, and detach.

For a moment I enjoy its simplicity. Colors compartmentalized. Intensity faded. The bonfire has transformed into a gentle and manageable flame.

I notice though that with this peace comes a lack of character. The fire seems mundane and without meaning. My brain is dulled. My soul exists, but without spirit. Yet, a strong force pulls me to its innocence and purity.

I ask myself, do I prefer the complexity of the bonfire or the simplicity of the gentle flame?

So embarrassing...

So a (non Jewish) co-worker of mine is at a mall yesterday. He walks up to the jewelry department and sees a frum woman arguing with the sales person. The sales person says she can only look at one piece of jewelry at a time. The woman though, wants to look at 3 at one time. They are arguing back and forth.

My co-worker is on his cell and mentions the name of the company I work for.

She turns to him and goes, "You work at ....? Do you know ...?", Asking him if he knows me. He answers that he does. She asks him "Does he still wear his yarmulka"?

That was her first question. Not, "How is he doing"? "Does he seem happy" or any other question about my well being. Just wants to have information that can be shared as gossip.

My co-worker answers to her that what I wear or don't wear isn't really any of his business (God bless him).

She continues to prod, he doesn't engage.

She says "ok" and hands my co-worker a business card and tells him that she's there if he needs someone for his real estate transactions.

Straight up embarrassing. I hope she reads this and sees what a fool she is.

PS Friends and neighbors; don't try to guess who it is. It isn't who you are thinking. The one you are thinking of is loving and incredibly respectful.

Things I hate (okay, dislike...)

1) People who say "All things happen for a reason".

2) People who say "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle".

3) People who say "Other people have it worse than you".

4) People who say "Why look to the past?"

5) People who say "Count your blessings".

6) People who say "When you have lemons, make lemonade".

7) People who say "Everyone has challenges", or the yeshivish way, "Everyone has their own peckel".

8) People who say "It's just a taavah".

9) People who minimize abuse victims.

10) People who critique things they have not experienced and can not relate to.

Adding 11) A mentsch tracht un gut lacht. A man plans and God laughs. (Ugh)

Bottom line - just carry your friends burden and say I'm sorry for what you are going through. I am here for you the best that I can be.

If you feel they are hurting themselves and/or they are asking for your advice, preface your response/commentary by saying "I can't relate to what you are going through but this is what comes to mind". Be extremely thoughtful and sensitive.

If you find that you can't respond to this with sensitivity or even if you are unsure; close your mouth. Zip it shut. Not a word.

No, I am not perfect in this regard but yes, I am cognizant of the need to try to be.