A Letter From the Writer of "Faygele, A New Play"

Letter from the playwright:

Faygele is my baby. It is deeply personal, born from the ache of isolation and the longing for truth. I began writing it in 2021, in the thick of the pandemic, when the world felt like it was crumbling. But in many ways, that unraveling mirrored my own, a decade earlier.

At that time, I was a closeted gay Orthodox Jewish man, married, with four children. My life felt fractured beyond repair. People sometimes tell me I was brave for coming out, for walking away from the only life I’d ever known. But I don’t see it as courage. I see it as survival. The universe pushed me to a place where silence was no longer an option. To stay hidden would have been fatal. I chose to live.

Faygele is inspired by the true story of a teenager from a background much like mine. He didn’t make it. Trapped and unseen, he ended his life. His story haunted me. It compelled me. And through Ari, our beautiful, struggling protagonist, I try to give voice to what he might have said if he had been heard.

The characters surrounding Ari are drawn from a tapestry of lived experience, people I’ve known, interviewed, and sometimes just listened to with an open heart. I spoke with rabbis, parents, friends; people intimately connected to boys like Ari. People trying, failing, and sometimes succeeding at holding faith, family, and identity in the same trembling hand

Though Faygele is rooted in a specific world, I believe its heartbeat will resonate far beyond it. This play is for anyone who’s ever felt like an outsider. For anyone who’s ever loved someone trying to find their way back to themselves.

More than anything, I hope that every Ari out there knows they are not alone. That there are people, maybe not always right beside them, but out there, who see them, who love them and who are waiting to embrace them. Sometimes we just have to look a little harder to find that love.

To those seeing Faygele, thank you. I hope you leave with more compassion, more curiosity, and a deeper commitment to listening to stories different from your own. We often fear what we don’t understand. But behind every quiet pain, every proud smile, there is a story. May this play open the door to hearing them.

With love and gratitude,

Shimmy

Faygele A New Play - London Critic's Review Roundup

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

"What Faygele does best is what so much theatre struggles to do. It listens. It lets us hear the quiet suffering, the small joys, the impossible choices. And in doing so, it offers something rare, a moment of recognition for anyone who’s ever had to choose between being loved and being true." - Flicker Magazine

 

https://www.flickermagazine.art/post/opening-night-of-faygele-at-marylebone-theatre

“As I looked around the theatre, and saw tears glistening on people’s cheeks, others reaching for a tissue, it is fair to say that Shimmy’s message does indeed touch the emotions of his audiences.” - Jewish News

 

https://www.jewishnews.co.uk/review-faygele-at-marylebone-theatre/

 

“Several of the play’s revolutionary speeches—particularly those exploring religion and sexuality—are beautifully written and provoke deep reflection.” - Sound and Stage

https://soundsandstage.com/faygele-at-marylebone-theatre-review/

"Braun’s script, brought to life by a standout cast, doesn’t just tell Ari’s story—it demands that we listen." - Adventures in Thatreland

 https://www.adventuresintheatreland.com/post/faygele-marylebone-theatre

 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

"Faygele is a story of the tensions between tradition and progression, between owning your identity while wanting to conform, and of course of the ‘othering’ of LGBTQI people within religious circles." - Curtain Call Reviews

https://www.curtaincallreviews.co.uk/faygele

 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 

“For anyone interested in queer stories, Jewish representation, or simply great theatre, Faygele is more than a play, it’s a must see." - 

“A standout performance also comes from Andrew Paul as Rabbi Lev, who is perhaps the most quietly revolutionary character. Instead of condemning, he listens. He reflects. He questions. Through his character, the play asks whether faith can grow, evolve, and hold space for queerness without losing its roots. His attempt to guide the family with compassion rather than judgment adds a hopeful thread to the story.” - Spy in the Stalls

https://thespyinthestalls.com/2025/05/faygele/

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ 

“The honesty and generosity that Braun employs in his writing illuminates dark and difficult corners of life's relationships, across generations and genders, in a drama that is moving, revelatory and packs a huge emotional punch.” - Jewish Renaissance

 

https://www.jewishrenaissance.org.uk/blog/faygele

 

“The scene where Sammy confronts Rabbi Lev over his assumptions and prejudices is beautifully written, thoughtful and powerful as Sammy challenges Lev’s adherence to Leviticus.”

 

https://fairypoweredproductions.com/faygele-review/

 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“Ilan Galkof who plays Ari is a revelation. The show simply would not work without him. Compelling and expressive, the character is three dimensional. He is funny and likeable without being perfect. He feels real, and that is the central reason the show works” - A Youngish Perspective

 

https://ayoungishperspective.co.uk/2025/05/09/review-faygele/

 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

"...after the applause died down many in the audience could be seen holding each others hands and hugging each other for comfort, clearly effected by the moving story and the power of the performances by the actors that told it." - Jack the Lad Mag

 

https://www.jacktheladmag.com/theatre-reviews/faygele

 

“As we head towards Pride Month, this show is an important opportunity to learn the lived experiences from LGBTQI+ people, and serves as a moving tribute to the teenager it’s based on.” Theatre and Tonic

 

https://theatreandtonic.co.uk/blog/faygele-at-marylebone-theatre-review

 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 

“The performer (Ilan Galkoff) has a great aura on stage and can make you think of Timothée Chalamet in Call me By Your Name, with his stage presence and physicality.” - Harry Theatre Life

 

https://www.harrytheatrelife.co.uk/post/review-faygele-marylebone-theatre-london

 

"If Faygele saves just one queer person from feeling alienated from their family or feeling their life isn’t worth living, then Shimmy will have a lot to be thanked for.

And most of all, it shows the true power of theatre."

 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 

“Shimmy Braun has written a wrenching and solemn tragedy in Faygele, one whose message I will be taking in for days to come.” - Stage On Page

 

https://www.stagetopage.co.uk/2025/05/faygele-review.html

 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️  

“Like Indecent, there is a play-within-a-play involving a literal turkey prince — yes, really. When Nic Farman’s lighting shifts to glamorous rainbow colours, one of the most brilliant and inventive moments of the play emerges. It’s hilarious, absurd, and unexpectedly moving.” 

 

Theatre Weekly

 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 

"Faygele brings freshness to age-old questions of faith, sexuality and identity through its structural inventiveness." - Broadway World

 

https://www.broadwayworld.com/westend/article/Review-FAYGELE-Marylebone-Theatre-20250507

 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 

“Faygele is a sharp and necessary reminder, urging us not to forget a history so deeply ingrained in our culture." - Theatre Weekly

 

https://theatreweekly.com/review-faygele-at-marylebone-theatre/

 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

"...there’s a sincerity in Shimmy Braun’s writing which will strike a familiar chord for Jewish audience members, whilst offering sufficient explanation of tradition and language to render the piece wholly accessible, enlightening and engaging for those not of the faith." - London Box Office

 

https://www.londonboxoffice.co.uk/news/post/faygele-review

 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

"Faygele is truthful and beautifully sad, incredibly well-written and directed, a true story from Shimmy Braun that needs to be seen and heard." - London Theatre Reviews

 

https://www.londontheatrereviews.co.uk/post.cfm

 

 

A Guest Post

This is a post from a man who reached out to discuss his struggle with me. I respect and honor his struggle. I am inspired by his fight and consider him a good friend. 

These are his words. 

You are not alone.

 

I didn’t always know this. I still don’t feel it. 

I do know that I don’t have to feel alone. I am not the only one, I am not evil or bad, nor am I god’s mistake.

 

Oh, I am married, frum and Gay too. Growing up I was miserable. I would always think what would happen if [enter name] or [enter any authority figure I should trust] found out.

 

I can’t tell a soul. I am different. I can’t trust anyone. I don’t know what would be with me if they knew I was gay. I was close to a Rebbe in High School. I wanted to tell him, but I didn’t. If only he knew the real me. He would have no choice but to get rid of me.

 

Hiding and masking my real feelings became who I am. I still prefer to just be alone. It is less complicated. I missed the stages where others learn to socialize and just be. Just be part of the crowd and not justify my right to fit in. I guess it is like the kid who never learned to tie his shoe. Or that person who never learned to swim.

Therapy has taught me a lot. But it can’t teach me what I would’ve learned as a “regular teen” in high school. It also can’t undo the years of inadequacy.

 

The thought of high school brings pain and loneliness. The pain of feeling different and ashamed. The loneliness because no friend or person could fill the void I had in my heart. Back then I thought I knew who I would want to fill the void but also knew I would never live that way. You would think I shouldn’t have felt alone because I was one of the great ball players in school and camp. You would never think someone like me can be this way.

 

 

I tried the “change and make me not gay" therapy during my two yeshiva years in Israel. Apparently, never trying hard enough because it didn’t work. I’m consoled this no longer is an acceptable modality. I could’ve saved a lot of money and years thinking I am not a failure at one more thing in life. Trying to change someone “this” way is wrong. Leading one to this false belief is murderous. It just leads them to false hope and a feeling of failure down the line.

 

Years Later I decided to share it with this rebbe I mentioned I was close to. I had hoped that perhaps in doing so it would make a difference to one Talmid of his. Upon sharing it he said he was sorry he didn’t know I was in pain back then and we both cried together. This gives me hope and encouragement for some form of social change happening.

 

I also know that society isn’t ready to accept that some people are different. We didn’t want to talk about cancer or infertility and now we do. Although, I don’t recall cancer and infertility jokes being ok. 

 

Well like every good movie – It is coming to a family near you in the next 5 years whether you like ‘them’ or not.

 

I will be honest and say I don’t know what the secular political way should be. As difficult as it is I understand the religious perspective. Unfortunately, this whole discussion has turned political, our thoughts are biased by politics more than the religious understanding. I don’t know when children should be taught or told of what is called alternative lifestyles. I don’t think it is a school’s decision to make. However, our children should never be made to feel they are receiving our ‘alternative’ version of love. I often wonder how I would react to one of my children being gay. I just cry and imagine crying with them. I would cry because I don’t see a short-term end to their pain. Yet, I know I needn’t worry about this because this could never happen to my own perfect family.

 

We must realize acceptance and love isn’t condoning a lifestyle or a political statement. Unconditional love towards a child isn’t conditional on their sexual orientation. The only way to create a safe place for an open dialogue with our children is to no longer make the gay comments or jokes that are socially acceptable.

Giving credit where it’s due

On the 1 year anniversary of the WHO calling Covid 19 a pandemic I received my second Moderna vaccine. When I received it I felt an obvious sigh of relief but also a sense of accomplishment. I made it. I made it through the year maintaining my sobriety. Not a single drop of alcohol or any other substance to help me through it. (Almost 3 years now). It was by far the hardest work year I have had. The most anxiety ridden year. Sickness and death of family and friends. But I felt it all. I was present. 

When I went to the Dr this morning, I had to answer the question, “Have you been out of the State in the last 2 weeks?״. I had to laugh. I haven’t been out of The state in 13 months. 

530,000 people have died in the US of Covid. 

Yes. There are 525,600 minutes in a year. One death a minute. 

I watched the last year go by with people going to political rally’s with thousands, and not wearing masks or social distancing. 

I’ve seen weddings with hundreds doing the same. I’ve seen funerals (of people who died of Covid ironically) with hundreds of people attending with barely any masks. People were vacationing like nothing was going on. Holiday weekends. All of these turned out to be major superspreaders. 

None of us in “real” life would ever consider ourselves guilty of manslaughter and certainly not murder, but those who believe in an afterlife may agree with me that there will be clarity one day when we stand in the true reality. The most ‘pious’ of us have murdered. The most ‘righteous’ may have massacred. Many have done this in the name of a higher purpose. I am comfortable and confident in saying that no God wanted his servants to spread Covid and hurt and kill others. 

I stand tall and proud in knowing that while I wasn’t perfect, I worked really hard to keep myself and push my family to be as safe and careful as possible. We all made it through without having gotten the disease.  

I am on a flight now heading out to Fort Lauderdale. I will be with my family for the week and I couldn’t be more excited. 

I’m proud of myself. I earned this time away after an excruciating year. 

I’m excited to use it in the best way possible. For connection. For love and for family. What else do we have if not connection? 

Please stay healthy and safe. 

Reflections on Yom Kippur and the year that passed...

This past year has been really difficult. I have been under the radar a bunch because a lot has been going on that has been incredibly traumatic. I have been working on myself in a number of different ways and thankfully seeing really strong improvement.

According to tradition, everything that took place this past year was decided and sealed in God’s “book” a year ago on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement.

Here are some things that shook me.

A friends son, (who is a friend of my son) died by getting hit by a car. The death had a number of ironies of which I wrote about in a previous post.

My closest friend who was one of the few who truly loved me without judgment, died suddenly of a heart attack at his office. I had spoken with him the day before and we had lunch planned later in the week. There is no one left in my life that I cared for and cared for me in that way.

I got into a really bad car accident. I am blessed to have not been hurt, but it did shake me pretty bad.

That same night of my accident, my son was in a really bad motorcycle accident. I had limited information for close to 3 hours. The hardest 3 hours of my life. This was coupled with the fact that his best friend had just died as well in the same area. I have had a number of relatives (cousin, brother in law, brother in law’s sister etc) and people close to me die in car accidents. He was wearing a helmet, which saved his life, but suffered a number of broken bones and a crazy amount of road burn. Again, I am blessed it was nothing worse and he has almost entirely healed.

I have another child who went through incredibly difficult challenges this year that I can’t really get into. Due to his challenges, I couldn’t visit my other son after the accident. This was so incredibly difficult.

I ended a 3.5 year relationship with someone that meant the world to me and that I loved and still love. I was going through so much emotional and trauma related weakness that I hurt him pretty bad. I begged for forgiveness but I don’t feel like I’ve been blessed with it. In whichever way I can, I forgive him for the ways that he may have wronged and hurt me.

Before this all happened, I entered a 12 step program for addiction to alcohol. My partner was the one that pushed me in that direction. I am grateful to him for that. I had been using alcohol to numb myself at times. After stopping to drink and now being sober for 5 months, I am forced to feel. I felt all of the above so deeply and did not pick up a drink through it all. This is a miracle unto itself. I was advised by my partner to stop taking anxiety medication because sobriety meant not using them. I didn't know otherwise and almost lost my mind and even done worse to myself. I had talked about it in an AA meeting and pretty much got scolded by all the "old timers" for stopping medication. The reality is that I felt all those experiences so deeply. I wasn’t finished mourning one when the other hit and the next and next etc.

At the same time, I am so thankful for my beautiful family. Every one of my children is wonderful. Polite, sensitive, loving and giving. They are healthy. I am healthy. While I deal with depression, anxiety and trauma, I have done a lot this year to help me learn skills to cope. I  accept myself for who I am and to accept my struggles (rather than continuing to suppress them), and how to manage them. For that I am grateful. I am successful in work and have had some high points in that area this past year. I am meeting many wonderful people in AA and creating strong friendships. Mostly, I am getting a lot closer to loving myself for who I am.I am able to share that love with others. I am around people who help me grow.

All the challenges have helped me improve and have taught me how I continue to be strong in the face of grave difficulty.

Tomorrow, God will seal his new book for the coming year; I wish us all love and the ability to love others. Kindness and to be kind. Happiness and to make others happy. Health, success and mostly peace of mind.

I pray; “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.

Hugs and kisses.

FGM

Blue (Sapphire) Eyes / Forgiveness

Even though I have self interest in what I say, please take it as you will. 

It is ok to have a forgiving nature. 

It is God’s way. 

Don’t deny yourself the ability to forgive quickly.  It is a blessing that far outweighs its curse.

Don’t fight it. Don’t talk yourself out of it. 

Please don’t change anything about yourself. 

Blue eyes

Blue eyes
Baby's got blue eyes
Like a deep blue sea
On a blue blue day

Blue eyes
Baby's got blue eyes
When the morning comes
I'll be far away
And I say

Blue eyes holding back the tears
Holding back the pain
Baby's got blue eyes
And she's alone again

Blue eyes
Baby's got blue eyes
Like a clear blue sky
Watching over me

Blue eyes
Ooh I love blue eyes
When I'm by her side
Where I long to be
I will see

Blue eyes laughing in the sun
Laughing in the rain
Baby's got blue eyes
And I am home, and I am home again

Blue eyes laughing in the sun
Laughing in the rain
Baby's got blue eyes
And I am home again

- Elton John 

I have no right to offer you a laugh in the sun and certainly not a laugh in the rain. 

But I know that wherever your home may be, you will find it 

because anyone can see it; your sapphire eyes, the windows to your beautiful soul. 

- FGM

True Colors

Green, the color of life, renewal, nature and energy
Purple, the color of power, ambition, magic and luxury
Side by side; a power to create a fusion of magic and energy
However, combining the two colors, creates a dark grey or even a black hue

Grey, the color of uncertainty

Grey, a sad thread through all existence

Black, the absence of color

Black, a mystery, a dark hole, the unknown

A darkened grey amplifies the uncertainty
It creates confusion
It twists the soul
It represents loss and depression

You are green.
I am purple.
Mixed together, we are grey

We are dark grey

We are scared,

We are scarred,
We are tired,
Deprived of rest

How do we love from close and far

How do we live with hearts aching
Why do we long to touch
Why do we cry as we imagine our embrace

We walk an unsecured path
We take risks in the moment

We hurt in our essence
Yet the love never dies

After reflection, we grasp the truth
Love is not the combined
Love is colors lying at each others side
Strong enough to hold their own

We realize that Green is in the east
Purple in the West
From afar, a higher power connects us
And although we stand alone, our power of renewal will live always and forever .

Death... Questions and Ironies

It's a sad day. A friend of mine's son passed away. He was also a close friend of my son. He was hit by a car 2 weeks ago. He was in a coma and passed away last night on Purim eve. The happiest day on the Jewish Calendar. It's the day we dress up in costumes, drink wine until we are confused about the good guys and bad guys and celebrate redemption from the cold hands of the Persians many years ago (just like any Jewish holiday; people wanted to kill us and we got out of the mess, Let's eat!)

This boy had a problem. He was in treatment at a rehab facility and had been about 6 months sober.

Kids who are using (I don't know what it is that he was doing), could die many different ways. We all unfortunately know some who have. 

Irony of all ironies after working through the hardest challenge of his life, he died by getting hit by a car.

So hard to understand. I feel so much for the parents. As a parent of a child who has gone through a similar story, knowing the torturous pain of dealing with a child that is an addict for years. The pain that comes which watching him go through treatment. The hope that he will now find a way. One month sober, 3 months sober, 6 months sober. The change; the gratitude he has, gives us the hope that he may be on his way to leading a happy and productive life. (I know this isn't important but it cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to help your child through a good rehab facility).

To then see your child lost in this way, is an irony that begs for an answer. That the child died on Purim is also an irony that is truly hard to understand.

That said, we can seldom understand. So we pray to a higher power, whatever that may mean to you. 

We get angry, we ask questions and we hope that some entity or being is listening.

I only wish peace, love and happiness from here on out and hope the family gets through this difficult time the best they can. One Day at a Time.

Had to share. Thanks for reading.

With love and care, me

An article that struck me as worth sharing

I know it's been a while. I wanted to share an article that I thought was poignant relating to the Orlando massacre.

OU message

"I came out to my wife... A new chapter...."

Is it really 4 years since I came out to my wife? I wrote this post a day after. When I think about it, I almost relive it. The intensity of the pain I felt in that moment was tangible. I was so very close to saying goodbye to the world. I was so close to ending it all... Somehow I found the strength to open up and share. My wife's reaction and our support for each other and our family is what kept us going.

Here is a re-blog of that post.

I came out to my wife... A new chapter....