Very powerful blog post by a friend...

Click here

Moshe, homosexuality and the internet

Here is an article that talks about how social media has affected the lives of Orthodox Jewish gay men and woman...

I specifically like the piece about Moshe...


Article from Tablet online magazine....

Commenting on the blog is back...

Please note that I have opened up the ability to comment on the blog once again. 

A few things;

Some will laugh but this is an anonymous blog.

1) Any post that shows my name or city or any other proper name will not be published. 

2) There will be a moderator for each comment and he will have COMPLETE sovereignty on what goes or does not go on the site. 

You can also feel free to email me at festerfest123@gmail.com.

Same Love by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

Disclaimer - Listen and read at the risk of having preconceived ideas and notions challenged.


(2nd disclaimer - I know that some people who read this blog will not be happy with me. They will see me as giving an outlet for what they might consider a secular message of this kind. As if I am minimizing my frum (religious) credibility with this. So be it. Right now I am all about love and acceptance, it's all I yearn for and need. This is something that moves me and as such I am going to share.) 

I heard this song the other day flipping through some channels on the radio. I was instantly moved. I quickly checked the screen for what it was. It was a song called 'Same Love' by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis.

Apparently it has been out for a bit, but has gotten a lot of play on the radio lately. One might attribute this to June being Gay Pride month. Others might say that the song has a catchy beat and a nice message. To me it is a sign of the times. It is groundbreaking. This is the first hip hop song that so clearly addresses and criticizes homophobia in the USA. The artist does it with subtlety and sensitivity. I am happy for the songwriters success because it must have taken a lot of guts to release this.

You may not agree (and I don't agree) with everything said in the song. You might not agree with it's overall message. It's the beauty of the lyrics that gets to me. I will let you listen for yourself.

Go ahead... Same Love - with lyrics

There is so much to talk about in this song. You can take apart almost every line. I want to talk about some lyrics that moved me and some that started the wheels in mind turning.

A preconceived idea of what it all meant For those that liked the same sex...

'The right wing conservatives think it's a decision
And you can be cured with some treatment and religion
Man-made rewiring of a predisposition
Playing God, aw nah here we go'...

I had never thought of it this way...

Are we playing God by asking someone to change 'with some treatment and religion'? If one is born with a genetic predisposition to homosexuality, than we sure are. It's like forcing a righty to be a lefty. or telling a blonde that he needs to go to therapy to become a red head.

If you feel homosexuality is a learned behavior then you are asking people to change something that has been given to them through God created circumstance and given quite deeply. So deep that therapy has hurt and intensified their scars. Scars of people who have struggled their entire life. Struggled with being 'different'. Struggled with bullying. Struggled with unbearable burdens that they are unable to share with anyone. Some struggling to a point where they have suicidal thoughts and tendencies. Many have attempted suicide and some successfully. They have a need for same gender intimacy that is so intense. Some have carried it for 20, 30, 40 years or longer. It is so ingrained into their psyche. For me it's been 40 years in the making; are you telling me that I should spend a year or two in therapy, finding my manhood and my gay will simply go away? (For the record, I went to therapy including a period of reparative therapy for 9 years) So I ask again; are we playing God by asking gay people to 'change'? I don't see an issue for an individual to try it if he so chooses. But if you impose it on anyone, than you are a Shabtai Zvi. You might as well sit yourself down on the heavenly throne and bring the Messiah; because you are playing God.

'When kids are walking 'round the hallway plagued by pain in their heart. A world so hateful some would rather die than be who they are....' No need to elaborate on children (and adults) committing suicide and how that is a commentary on society. I hope that speaks for itself.

'Same Love' talks about stereotyping to a point where people lose self awareness and unknowingly (and dangerously) suppress an important part of them. It talks about American hypocrisy. It continues by establishing the viewpoint and impositions of religion and politics on the homosexual individual. (I love the usage of the word treatment. It represents the thought that homosexuality is easily changeable, as if it is simply a treatment; as eye drops treat red-eye.) The song continues by pointing out areas of society where homophobia is rampant. Hiding behind the anonymity of the internet to spew hate. 

'Gay is synonymous with the lesser';  Differences should be celebrated as opposed to being the cause of hatred and wars. Don't be silent in the face of bigotry.

Finally an uplifting message of hope.

'No law is gonna change us
We have to change us
Whatever God you believe in
We come from the same one
Strip away the fear
Underneath it's all the same love
About time that we raised up'

Go ahead and listen again... Same Love - with lyrics

Needing a break from giving....

My entire life I have always been taking care of everyone else. Be it family, friends, clients and community organizations. Both financially and with my time and energy. I rarely ever have the opportunity to attend to my own needs.

This unfortunately many times leads to people taking advantage of me in various ways. Even people closest to me. It hurts because I simply have a hard time saying no. People know that and use it against me. It is exhausting and ends up with regret which consumes my mind.

Outside of very few people who have helped me out in ancillary ways; for the first time in my life it would be nice if someone actually took care of me. If I could be cradled in someone's proverbial arms. If I could show vulnerability and still be loved. If I can cry and be cradled tighter. 

For a change it would be nice to be able to take. There is only so much one can give without being run dry. 

Tears of a clown...

Serenity is all I want, 

Putting up a happy face is what I flaunt.

Kids, money and friends, you say happy I  should be;

Yet that peace of mind you expect, truly escapes me. 

Why am I up at this late hour?

My frame of mind seems genetically sour. 

'The tears of a clown' inside my heart I sing,

I fake a smile as if I were a king. 

I ask myself why so lonely I feel?

When to the world I seem so tangible, so real. 

The answers to these questions I fear;

Will always escape me, as my mind is blurry or so very clear. 

Men from Mars have all the answers, they always come to conclusions;

They propose ideas and have all the solutions. 

I don't care for advice or comments, you are preaching to the choir;

I believe it is unconditional love that I simply desire.

Protecting pedophiles and child molestors... There are no words

I do not want to comment yet. I would like the article to speak for itself. I will write another blog entry with my feelings in relation to this.

Click here for the article...

5/14 - 9:25am

In speaking with someone close to the story, I will say that I am not using this article as a condemnation of the accused. I do not know if his admission of guilt was to protect himself from a longer prison sentence. I am using the article to demonstrate the fallibility of rabbonim as it relates to supporting an abuser as opposed to the victim and the ramifications that causes to abuse victims at large.
 

The Bonfire and the Gentle Flame

My brain heats up. My soul catches fire. My heart explodes into a bonfire of confusion.

At the expense of my burning eyes, I stare into the flame as I tiptoe slowly toward the heat of its core.

I see it's many colors. I see the orange of regret. Red of hate. The purple of confusion. The blue of hope and the yellow of a brighter day.

The fire slowly builds. It's potency is commensurate to the intensity of my gaze. I focus, watching the colors synthesize, converge and marry.

While the colors dance to the sound of popping twigs; confusion and doubt ensue. I attempt to reconcile the complexity of this merger. My senses are feeling overwhelmed.

I lower my gaze.

My eyes weaken and my focus wanes. The wind blows and the popping sounds calm. The colors dim, isolate, and detach.

For a moment I enjoy its simplicity. Colors compartmentalized. Intensity faded. The bonfire has transformed into a gentle and manageable flame.

I notice though that with this peace comes a lack of character. The fire seems mundane and without meaning. My brain is dulled. My soul exists, but without spirit. Yet, a strong force pulls me to its innocence and purity.

I ask myself, do I prefer the complexity of the bonfire or the simplicity of the gentle flame?

So embarrassing...

So a (non Jewish) co-worker of mine is at a mall yesterday. He walks up to the jewelry department and sees a frum woman arguing with the sales person. The sales person says she can only look at one piece of jewelry at a time. The woman though, wants to look at 3 at one time. They are arguing back and forth.

My co-worker is on his cell and mentions the name of the company I work for.

She turns to him and goes, "You work at ....? Do you know ...?", Asking him if he knows me. He answers that he does. She asks him "Does he still wear his yarmulka"?

That was her first question. Not, "How is he doing"? "Does he seem happy" or any other question about my well being. Just wants to have information that can be shared as gossip.

My co-worker answers to her that what I wear or don't wear isn't really any of his business (God bless him).

She continues to prod, he doesn't engage.

She says "ok" and hands my co-worker a business card and tells him that she's there if he needs someone for his real estate transactions.

Straight up embarrassing. I hope she reads this and sees what a fool she is.

PS Friends and neighbors; don't try to guess who it is. It isn't who you are thinking. The one you are thinking of is loving and incredibly respectful.

Things I hate (okay, dislike...)

1) People who say "All things happen for a reason".

2) People who say "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle".

3) People who say "Other people have it worse than you".

4) People who say "Why look to the past?"

5) People who say "Count your blessings".

6) People who say "When you have lemons, make lemonade".

7) People who say "Everyone has challenges", or the yeshivish way, "Everyone has their own peckel".

8) People who say "It's just a taavah".

9) People who minimize abuse victims.

10) People who critique things they have not experienced and can not relate to.

Adding 11) A mentsch tracht un gut lacht. A man plans and God laughs. (Ugh)

Bottom line - just carry your friends burden and say I'm sorry for what you are going through. I am here for you the best that I can be.

If you feel they are hurting themselves and/or they are asking for your advice, preface your response/commentary by saying "I can't relate to what you are going through but this is what comes to mind". Be extremely thoughtful and sensitive.

If you find that you can't respond to this with sensitivity or even if you are unsure; close your mouth. Zip it shut. Not a word.

No, I am not perfect in this regard but yes, I am cognizant of the need to try to be.