Monday, July 23, 2012

The 9 days and my own private holocaust

Even with my current struggle maintaining orthodox judaism, I still feel a connection to the 9 days. Each of my grandparents lost immediate family members to the Nazi's. Some murders were witnessed. I am a Jew and my family and people suffered through all our years. That identity connects me to our history and gives me the motivation to conform to the requirements of the 9 days and feel guilty when I don't.

At the same time I would argue that I personally have suffered my own private holocaust. The abusive upbringing I had. Abuse at the hands of the people close to me; teachers, family, a therapist and counselors in camp. Bullying to a horrible extreme that caused me to contemplate suicide numerous times. All that time struggling with my sexual orientation and the conflicts that brings in reconciling it with my judaism.

Bottom line. I feel like I can cut myself some slack. My suffering and pain has been deep, long and to my core. Would I switch with holocaust survivors? Probably not.

Lets compromise and call it a mini-holocaust, but a holocaust nonetheless.

This brings me to my next point. For people who never suffered physical or sexual abuse; for you to judge, project and blatantly accuse abuse survivors of making things up, you deny them the ability to speak up and certainly heal; you reinforce the pain and insecurity that has been projected on them for all their life. You are abhorrent. You are a life sucker. You should look in the mirror and let shame take you over. If your are family, shame, shame, shame. All the more so...

Al tadin es ha'adam ad shetagia l'mkomo.

Dont judge another until you walk their shoes.


  1. Frankly you sound a little whiny to me. Many of us have gone through the same "holocaust" as you. Pissin' and moanin' does not cure or aid anything at all.

    And as for the real Holocaust...

    The fact is that for the survivors their holocaust did NOT end in the 1940's - they lived every day of their lives with the memory of the horrors they survived.

    1. I don't deny being whiny. My main point was the last one though.

  2. Some people actually enjoy being a victom; it gives them a sense of purpose, when none other exists. This guy sounds like one of them. He does not want to move on. The sad thing is the person he's hurting the most is himself.

    If he doesn't deny being whiny, then why be whiny in the first place? People don't win friends or arguments by whining.

    1. To anon 7/24

      Can you blame one who lost a child for being whiny every so often? How do you judge someones pain? How do you judge someone period?
      I also never said I was whiny all the time. I whine at times, because I have ups and downs. My point exactly in "Al tadin..." was in response to exactly your type of outlook.

  3. agree w first anon yes u were bullied and thats terrible and yes uve gone through your own tribulations but to compare your troubles with those of holocaust survivors is a slap in the face to those who survived by using such a comparison you are trivializing the horrors of the holocaust because unlike your pain the holocaust was inflicted both on individuals and the nation as a whole

    that being said it does not diminish any trials u have been through just dont express them through a comparison to the holocaust, such imagery is unnecessary and melodramatic

  4. al tadin es... chaverkha. I guess first you have to care to be tolerant of others. Being gay is similar to other sexual obsessions. Do you have empathy for those who get off on domination, masochism? Nobody knows another's pain, but Judaism is more than those gathered for the daf yomi convention.

    Many struggle with diverse problems. We validate yours, understand. Will an intimate relationship with a man really solve all of your problems? I wonder.

  5. Mos recent post...

    "Being gay is similar to other sexual obsessions"

    Is this a scientific fact?

    Is being straight a sexual obsession?

    I honestly am not sure the point of your post.

  6. What is a scientific fact is that humans don't go into heat. Our sexual urges are not like the rest of the animal kingdom, although we exhibit similar behaviors.

    What makes same sex attraction, aside from social stigma, unique in the context of desire?

  7. It is truly sad to read these critical comments. Like Fest I suffered through severe trauma. I am not winny just honest.
    When I read these insensitive comments I wonder how someone can call themselves God fearing? Where is the love and compassion for another human being? I don't hate the people who posted the negative comments I just feel sorry for you.
    You are truly ignorant. Fest, you bring light to a very dark world. You are a real hero.