Friday, August 17, 2012

Don't feel bad commenting.... Go right ahead...

It is now obvious to me that the link to my blog is being emailed all through my community and others. I have gotten private emails from the most obscure people from my past voicing love and support. I thank you for that.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not the type of person if I were on the other side of this to start emailing out a link that is presented as anonymous while announcing who wrote it. At the same time I can't project that others should maintain my standard.

I would ask though that the kind people who know me and read this blog to feel free not just to email me but to take a minute to comment something positive on the blog and issue support. It would be nice for the naysayers to have a perspective of who I am and the differences I've made in people's lives.

Of course if you would like to be negative go ahead and comment as well. All perspectives need to be shown.

The 2 most common objections I get is "how can I support or be an advocate of a sinner?" The answer to that is simply I haven't sinned.  The Torah says nothing about orientation or inclination, just not to follow through on it.

Second, I get, "why do you feel the need to have a blog and publicize it?". I want to remind you that I started this blog by advice of my therapist who is well respected in our community. I have had it for 14 months with few people knowing (ironically my wife always knew about it).  It was therapeutic and helped people. It was only this past Monday when other people outed me and someone found this and started spreading it around, that thousands of people are reading it. You are choosing to forward the link as well as you are choosing to read it which at this point I have no issue with at all.

Please do not use my name in posts.

Thank you.


  1. As a frum, non gay, married woman with kids I just wanted to comment and say that I think your strength and courage and that of your family are amazing. I hope that all of you can find your own happiness in life. Anyone who is saying negative things to you is just disgusting. Don't let it get you down.

  2. I know who you are from within the community and you know who I am although we aren't friends. You are a very well known individual who has done a lot of good for our community. You have given tzedaka, and have helped many people that I know personally. I want to just apologize if people have responded negatively towards you and have said hurtful things to you. Your coming out has no reflection on the kind of person that you are or the kind of friend that you are. Please know that there are many people who still look up to you and know you for the middos tovos you have.

  3. I’m not sure what the whole negativity thing is all about. You state clearly that you are a shomer Torah u’Mitzvos – so what’s the issue for anyone to have with you?

    Are you any different than someone who has a desire for ill-gotten gains by working on Shabbos or non-kosher food or any of a dozen illicit relationships the Torah forbids.... but does not act upon them because Hashem forbids us to?

    In fact – you are fulfilling a negative mitzvah that other’s (perhaps? ;-) don’t have the opportunity to fulfill (more likely don’t admit they do) – as they do not have the challenges you have – to actively, with much mesiras nefesh subordinate their desires to fulfill the will of Hashem!

    So…adarabah! You are the one to be lauded!

    The Rambam in Shemoneh Perakim says in our serving HKB"H our attitude should be “Rotze Ani U'ma E'se V'avinu Shebashamayim Gozar Olai” – I would like to do this aveirah but what can I do our Father in heaven decreed upon me that I may not! I would like to, but I won't! Because HKB"H said don't do that!

    Interestingly, this attitude of “Rotze Ani I would love to do the Aveira but HKB"H said no – so therefor I don’t” the Rambam explains only applies in Mitzvos bein adam l’Makom - but this is not an appropriate attitude in Mitzvos Bain Adam L'chaveiro, as they are Mitzvos Sichliyos.

    For a person to say I would like to be cruel to someone, cheat someone, hurt someone, but I am not going to only because the Torah forbids it… is a wrong attitude!

    A Mitzvas Sichli, a logical Mitzvah, is something a person should ingrain in their nature, they should do naturally! By nature be a good person! On the other hand a Mitzva of Bain Adam Lamakom (between man and Hashem) such as keeping Shabbos, eating only Kosher food, engaging in only Kosher sexual relationships… there a person should say Rotze Ani - I would be happy to eat Treif food etc. but Ma E'se Avinu Shebashamayim Gozar Olai, but what can I do as Hashem commanded me to do as He said.… and that is what I will practically do!

    This is a major strong distinction between Bain Adam L'chaveiro Mitzvos (logical Mitzvos that I should know by intellect) and Bain Adam Lamakom Mitzvos (whose prohibition is only because Hashem so decreed!).

    We in our upside down approach unfortunately twist things around. Most people today when it comes to stealing, cheating etc. say “I would love to steal but what can I do, Hashem forbade it” and because of that alone (and of course the fear of getting caught! ;) they don't steal. However when it comes to Treifos they say “pig? I would never eat bacon! It disgusts me! It is something that goes against the nature of a Jew”.

    This now is the reverse of the way the Rambam depicts it should be.

    Someone who serves HKB"H properly, when it comes to stealing - it should be disgusting to him to take something that belongs to someone else. While on the other hand, when it comes to eating Chazeir or an illicit relationship, they should feel Chazeir is probably delicious – this forbidden pleasure is surely great… but... U'ma E'se V'avinu Shebashamayim Gozar Olai!

    continued in next comment .......

  4. Continued......

    Reb Yitzchok Zilberstein in his Sefer Tuvcha Yabi'u relates that there were some Jews who lived in an apartment house in Eretz Yisroel and on the ground floor of the apartment house there was a commercial store that sold (Nevailos & Treif) forbidden food and even rachmana nitzlan… Chazeir (bacon). It disgusted these people that every day as they walked in and out of their apartment building they had to pass this place and smell the aroma of Treif food. They went to an Adom Gadol to ask for an Eitza.

    The Adom Gadol said what do you mean? He showed them a Chasam Sofer. The Chasam Sofer says how does one accomplish the Mitzvah of 14:8 (טָמֵא הוּא, לָכֶם; מִבְּשָׂרָם לֹא תֹאכֵלוּ). A commandment (in this week’s Parsha) not to eat Treif food? How does one logistically, actively perform a Mitzvah which is a Shev V'al Taaseh, (do not do a bad action)? Explains the Chasam Sofer when a person sees non-kosher food he should say to himself “wow that is good but I am not eating it because the Torah forbids it.” These people took his words to heart and gained a brand new attitude! Every time they walked in and out of their apartment building and they passed the store selling Treif food they would say Harini Muchan U'mizuman L'kayeim Mitzvah, behold I am prepared to perform the Mitzvah of telling myself Avi Shebashayim Gozer Olai.

    So in short (ooops! too late for that? ;) as you have clearly stated that you have never engaged in illicit relationships – but you do desire them – you in fact are the epitome of how the Rambam explains a Yid is supposed to live his life! The only difference between you and some of your detractors is – they (for fear of embarrassment?) won’t admit to their nissyonos (and take pride in having bested them) whereas you are an honest, truthful and faithful eved Hashem!

    Chazak u’baruch! May Hakadosh Baruch Hu continue to give you the strength to persevere in meeting these unimaginably difficult and painful challenges that HE put before you – so that you may continue to rise to the madraigah of greatness that He has in store for you!

    Sign me.... In Wonderment!

  5. First off, i think you are brave and i wish you continued success in your journey. I was wondering though as a Homosexual did you find Ben Stillers name in the movie "Meet the Parents" offensive? I would think "Gay(lord) Focker" might be offensive to a gay man. How do you feel about this?