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I am a frum, gay & married male who feels compelled to share. Let me get this out of the way, when I say I am gay ,  I will qualify it...

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

A hero - A year later

It has been about a year since mine and my families worlds were turned over. This was when word got out on the street of my orientation and that my wife and I would be divorcing. This was obviously traumatic for us, our children and families, but it was traumatic too for the Jewish community who is generally insulated from being penetrated by stories such as ours. 

At the time there were people coming out to support, including Rabbi's and community leaders. There were unfortunately others who decided to spread false and vicious rumors about me and were not that supportive. There was a day where I hit a wall. I had no idea where to hide or whom to turn to. The irony is that while crazy rumors were going around that I was throwing things at my wife, she was the one I called to cry to. She was the one that gave me the support to continue on. 

Remember; this was my wife who could have thrown me out of the house and locked the key. She could been angry and spiteful and taken the side of some of the naysayers. She could have chosen to simply keep quiet and let the chips fall where they may.

Instead she decided to take a heroic stance. She got up and wrote a Facebook post. While it may have stirred up more conversation, it was nothing less than a beautiful display of love and dignity. People were upset with her on why she had to share this with the public. There are many answers to that selfish question. I simply say that when we talk about tznius as modesty and humility, this is the model for its implementation. 

She is and always will be a hero.

Here is the post.

My dearest ******
I want to start out by saying I love you. Before I go any further, if for some reason, u don't make it thru this letter, I wanna make sure u know I love u.
I can't begin to understand what life is like for u. I can't imagine how hard it must be to be you right now. Especially after all you've done for so many people only to have many of them turn their backs on u. You know what they say, that usually that means they see a little of u in themselves. They can't deal. Because they know how amazing u are. They know that u have the biggest heart of any man alive. They know that it took more courage and strength for you to be you than they will ever have in their whole lives. They are jealous. "They" are insignificant. "They" didn't get to spend 18 years with u. "They" didn't get to have the most amazing kids on the planet with u. "They" didn't get to grow and learn with u and from u the way I have. "They" are "pots calling the kettle black". What happened to "love thy neighbor". What happened to not judging? Not casting stones? Not speaking Loshon Horah? Nothing. They are still there. In neon lights. Blazing overhead. And "they" are blind.
Please don't use "them" as ur guide. "They" are insignificant.
U are, BY FAR, the most amazing, wonderful, loving, warm, caring, smart, special, sensitive, amazing (it bears repeating) person I know.
I am honored and privileged to call you my best friend for life.
I love u more than pecan pie.
Love always, *****


  1. Wow. Just wow. God bless you, her, and your kids.

  2. You are both one in a million. I can only strive for that kind of heart.

  3. Your story is a heartbreaker and i feel your pain even more so because your story is public and everyone knows about it when it probaly should have been kept secret i dont see the need in publizicing it but i hope things get better for you!!

  4. Wow! This was so encouraging to see. Not just people be honest and sticking up for themselves - but true and unchanging love and devotion, no matter what the context. I can't imagine the place you are both in, but to have that support from your wife/ex-wife, must feel amazing. And what an AMAZING woman! Truly someone to look up to and learn a few lessons from!